Why Your Children Need to Learn Anger Management (learning problems)
No commentsBy Marlin Rollins
In this article I write about a parents role in teaching their child good anger management skills. How many times have you been shopping in for example a supermarket and witnessed an over-aggressive parent shouting at their child? This is exactly what not to do, that parent is giving a very bad example to their child in this example.
It is very important that we act as good role models and set good examples for our children. Two bickering parents who are constantly at each others throats or shouting orders at their children to be quiet for example, relays the wrong message to that child. If that child then has problems controlling their own anger, it should hardly come as a shock to their mom or dads.
A calm house is a happy house. Both parents are going to argue and have their differences, however they need to be adult enough to wait to discuss their issues once the kids have gone out or are in bed. I am aware that this is not always easy to carry off, but if both parents are in agreement, it can be achieved.
I am a parent myself and am certainly not a perfect dad. I actually kind of cheat as I have a bribing system in place. I have told my children that all I expect of them is to try their best, as long as they do this, it does not matter what grades they achieve. Two years ago my step-daughter who is now twelve started to play up, especially at school. I was quite shocked when I attended her parents evening to find out that she had not handed in her homework, that she had made little effort in the past couple of terms and that she had been disruptive to other members of her class.
To say I was unhappy with her is an under-statement. I was very angry, however told her that I did not want to speak about it until we arrived home. This was my way of controlling my own anger. When we had arrived home, I stated to her that I was upset about what I had heard and informed her that if she had done well, I would have bought her anything that she wanted, up to a certain amount of money. She was quite shocked by that and stated, even the England football kit. I said that I would have but that she was not having it now. I did however agree that if she did well during the next few terms, that I would.
She has never looked back since, but my bank manager is not happy with the situation. We also have a weekly bribe. If both of my children behave during the week they can choose a toy of their choice on the Saturday, again within reason. If and it often happens they do not deserve the toy, I have no need to become angry as they just do not get the reward. This makes them annoyed. but teaches them a huge lesson.
You may think that I am cheating but it works for us and we live in a very happy, chilled out house.
In conclusion, it is important to act they same way that you want your children to. If you are always angry and aggressive, they are also likely to be.
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The Importance of Consistency
By Marlin Rollins
No matter who we are, or what we do in life, most of us have kids. And there are numerous theories floating around regarding parenting. The two I have found that are crucial above all else: teaching my kids that everything but love, shelter, clothes, schooling and food are privileges, not rights, and more importantly is to be consistent with them.
It is imperative that you are consistent with EVERYTHING starting when the child is very small. Sounds easy, but it’s very hard to do. We all get caught up in our lives, get frustrated or angry and threaten things we don’t mean, are too tired to deal with keeping our word, or don’t have the strength for the temper tantrums and begging. Besides, those little buggers are so darn cute when they plead for something, and have a unique way of melting your heart at the most inopportune times. How do we resist caving in? It’s not easy! But having two boys 13 and 15, I can tell you it only gets worse. Because if you aren’t consistent in the beginning, they learn you will cave, that you don’t follow through and if they wait it out long enough, beg or plead enough, you’ll give in. As an example, I have been telling my oldest for years to raise his grades or he won’t be allowed to get his driving permit. He blew me off, but when he turned 15 1/2 (the driving permit age in California) I refused to let him get it. He was floored. He thought for sure I would cave, but I didn’t. We’ll see if his grades improve now or not.
I have not been very consistent with my boys while they were growing up. I tried, I tried very hard, but I work full time, I have health issues, I had my boys in my thirties, and I’m just plum worn out! They know from past experience if they play me right, I will go ahead and reverse my previous decisions regarding grounding, etc. Add to the fact that I am not home half of the time they are, because I’m working, I am not home to enforce anything. This makes being consistent extremely difficult. But it is do-able. I’ve learned with my youngest I have to go to the extremes. He got in trouble for not doing his homework, so I told him no X-Box privileges till he raised his grades and I didn’t get notes on his report card that say “missing assignments.” In order to keep that restriction, I had to actually take the X-box console to work with me! Sounds extreme, but it was the only way I could enforce my rule. He got very mad at me, but we all need to remember that we are their parents, not their friends. We are here to produce happy, contributing citizens to our communities. I tell my boys all the time “I’m not as worried about your happiness as I am for your safety.” We as parents have to make priorities, and our kids should be our number one priority, not how tired we are or anything else. I just wish I had reminded myself of that more while they were growing up.
My oldest came home with a marijuana pipe with his name on it not too long ago and I found out he was skipping school, too. Of course I got every excuse in the book…”It’s not mine, I made it for a friend and it broke so I have it to fix for him” etc. etc. blah blah blah. So I went and bought a drug test and told him if he did either again I would kick him out of the house. His response was “Fine, I’ll go to Grama’s.” My reply was “Grama was a school teacher. Do you really think she would allow a flunking student, school ditching drug user in her house?” Sounds harsh, but he hasn’t done either since. If I could go back to when they were smaller, I would change the way I raised them and would have MADE the effort to be more consistent, no matter how worn out I was. Because as they get older, so do I, and I find myself more and more tired each year. I am lucky that they turned out to be relatively good kids. They have their good days and bad days, but all in all I am very proud of them.
Read all the parenting books you want, but I can tell you from experience that the major thing to have happy kids that behave well is consistency with boundaries, limits and rules. And the best thing to teach them to respect things is to teach them the difference between privileges and rights. If you follow those words of advice, you will have happy, well behaved children. Let them speak their minds if they need to, but be sure they do it respectfully. I am not one to censor children, but it better be said with respect! Being consistent with them will also help teach them respect for you.
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Obama Grants - Designed To Encourage Moms to Earn a Degree
By Fred Jackson
Although higher education is important, often a number of obstacles can hinder potential students from enrolling in college. For single mothers especially, family obligations and financial concerns are often at the top of this list. In an attempt to ease some of the concerns associated with going to college, Obama grants are intended to encourage mothers to return to college to earn a degree.
In many cases, the purpose of federal grants is to help disadvantaged groups to attend college. An endowment often given to low-income students, is the federal Pell grant. As the Obama administration has stated that it places a high priority on education, the benefits of Pell grants have been augmented in order to be a greater help to potential students. A title given to a portion of the standard Pell grant program is the Scholarships for Moms program. Working moms are especially encouraged to apply for this. By equipping low-income mothers to earn a degree, the administration believes that this will provide a stimulus to the lagging economy, and be of great benefit to the families of those mothers, as it will increase their earning power in the work force.
$5,000 from a Pell grant may not seem like a lot of money, when you look at the high cost of education these days, but it could help defray the other expenses associated with going to college. A student has to pay for books and supplies, housing and travel expenses as well. For a single mom, other miscellaneous expenses may also include childcare. A great advantage of the Pell grant award is that the money awarded does not necessarily have to be applied to college tuition. Any expense that can be seen to be necessary to obtaining an education, can be covered by the grant money.
Finally, consider that this program doesnt cater specifically to traditional students; it provides opportunity for traditional and non-traditional students alike. Mothers wanting to return to college to earn a degree are just as welcome as a student who is fresh out of high school. Consideration is given equally to potential students who would prefer to go to a small community college as well as mothers who would like to stay home and take care of their children while taking online courses. All willing students are able to earn a degree that will provide them with significant opportunity in the job market, and this is the most crucial factor.
An effort by the current administration to show that education truly is the key to a bright future are by offering Obama grants. With the allocation of a significant amount of money to pay for education, everyone from young adults to working mothers has a chance to go to college.
So what’s holding you back? Take advantage of a $10,000 scholarship drawing. Registration is free if you visit http://www.scholarshipsformomsfinder.info/
Thursday, December 31st, 2009 at 8:10 am and is filed under education. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
